Following accusations from the United States that Russian hackers were responsible for Donald Trump’s victory in the American Elections and the assertion on Tuesday by Labour MP Ben Bradshaw, that it was ‘highly probable’ that Vladimir Putin’s Russia interfered in the UK’s Brexit Referendum, highly placed sources in the BBC are reportedly investigating claims that the same hackers were responsible for Claudia Frangapane’s ignomious departure from Strictly Come Dancing last Sunday.
“What the general public don’t realise,” the same source told this publication, “is that Strictly is, to coin a phrase, ‘strictly choreographed’ and I’m not only talking about the dances here. The plan was for the black fellow and the vertically challenged one to make it through to the final, defeating Laura and Danny Mac enroute, thus once again demonstrating to the brain-washed masses, that watch the BBC, just how truly liberal our country is. It’s just not acceptable for another country to intervene so that the show ends up being decided on talent and popularity, instead of on what’s politically correct!”
It’s not the first time that the show has been embroiled in controversy. A year ago, Strictly Come Dancing was slammed by the EU for it’s skimpily dressed dancers. In an unlikely grouping, feminist and religious groups joined forces to lobby the EU Council of Ministers to impose strict new guidelines on what the dancers were allowed to wear on stage. The EU’s Minister For Dance, Ivana Güüsestepp, said then that there was ‘absolutely no reason for dances such as the Salsa, the Samba or the Rhumba to be conducted in the sort of skimpy outfits that we are frequently exposed to.’
Whether Claudia and A.J’s exit was caused by the Russian Bear or not, two people at least are relieved. A.J’s parents, Mr and Mrs A.J, commented that “at least he can get back to school now. He’s at least a year behind with his O-Levels because of the show. We blame it on ‘that girl'”. A.J’s headmaster concurred, adding that with more time on his hands, following his departure from Strictly Come Dancing, the returning schoolboy might even be able to come up with an actual first name for himself too.