Following the Prime Minister’s announcement this week, that BREXIT would lead to ‘Calais Jungle’ immigrant camps springing up outside Dover, possibly with drug-crazed migrants raping and pillaging their way across the whole of the South-East of England; Downing Street has now confirmed that senior officials also feel it very likely that BREXIT could result in an Extinction Level event wiping out all known intelligent life on Earth. (Which probably means that the Prime Minister, a large part of his Cabinet and all Lib-Dems will be perfectly safe).
In fact, the Extinction Level event is only one of several realistic post BREXIT scenarios put forward by the Prime Minister’s special taskforce, ReAsons To Stay, (RATS). RATS, working in conjunction with the Britain Stronger in Europe (BSE) campaign on a top-secret programme, known as Project Fear, have investigated likely outcomes to a LEAVE vote and subsequent exit from the EU. Top amongst many extremely likely possibilities, according to ths impartial, non-biased, grouping (motto: We Don’t Do Scaremongering) are an outbreak of Zombieism as portrayed in the world-breaking documentary ‘World War Z’. Able to draw on the extensive medical knowledge of Jeremy Hunt, Health Minister, (O-Level Biology, Grade C), RATS have been able to conclusively demonstrate that at least 79% of the UK population will morph into flesh-eating Zombies, in the event that the British people vote for EU exit. They have admitted however that the Zombie phenomenon may go unnoticed in parts of the UK such as Liverpool, Gateshead and Milton Keynes.
RATS military branch (P-branch 0r PRATS for short) with their exclusive access to the Defense Secretary have confirmed that BREXIT will, in all likelihood, result in the UK being targeted for nuclear annihilation by North Korea. “Many people assume wrongly that rogue states like North Korea, Hawaii and Lapland are kept in their place by bodies such as the United Nations or NATO, or that we gain protection from Trident or from our relationship with the USA,” said Tom E Gunn, Military Attache. “Unfortunately, in the real world, none of these entities actually exist and in practice it’s fear of the EU’s hugely impressive European Defence Force (EDF) with their massive nuclear arsenal that means the people of the UK can sleep safe in their beds at night.”
Also, Downing Street’s scientific advisors have serious concerns that BREXIT will greatly increase the possibility of alien invasion of the UK, most likely from the planet Mars, as depicted H G Wells’s, War of the Worlds and in the epic book The Returning released in 2013 by well-known author, Gerald Rennett.
In a possible indication that this particular risk is increasing as the chance of Brexit grows, more and more British citizens are claiming that they have been abducted and also that an alien fifth-column is already present in this country, disguised as ordinary British people. In some cases, Jeremy Corbyn, Nicola Sturgeon, Alex Salmond, for example, those disguises are not very convincing with many observers commenting, in particular, to the close similarity between Alex Salmond and one of the kitchen foodstuffs in Men In Black 3.
People often ask, “what will be the result of leaving the European Union” and complain that nobody sets out the risks or the advantages clearly for them. With the heroic efforts of the non-biased, non-partisan, non-scaremongering team at RATS, they’ll now get all the information they need to make up their minds.
That’s all right then…