Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) will be outlawed from the 1st April 2016 and replaced with European Standardised Time (EST) according to reports received from sources within the Council of Ministers.
“Greenwich Mean Time, with its reference to the Greenwich meridian and it’s brother in chronological crime, British Summer Time, are fundamentally nationalistic, pro-British and therefore anti-European,” said Frau Professor Doktor Iva Von Buttplugg. “With effect from 1st April, the European Region formerly known as Great Britain will join all other European regions in adopting EST. This commonality of a single time zone stretching from the European Region formerly known as Finland, in the east, to that formerly known as Portugal, in the west, and the abolishing of Daylight Saving Time will hugely improve productivity within the whole Federation.
Ignoring the needs of the entire global maritime industry, which relies on the Greenwich Meridian for all it’s cartography, Iva Von Buttplugg declared that the new Prime Meridian would move 10.0014 degrees to the west and would thus run through the centre of Hamburg, the birthplace of Angela Merkel. Acknowledging that there had been some dispute, with followers of Jean-Claude Junkers wanting it to be placed at Redange, Luxembourg, (his birthplace), Professor Buttplugg said that it could be possible to move it between the two locations every month. “This may seem unworkable to those not willing to think outside the box,” she said, “but we were told that moving the EU Parliament between Strasbourg and Brussels once a month would be difficult and look how well that works!”
It’s understood that these plans, which had been in the pipeline for some time now were rushed forward when Major Tim Peake inadvertantly let slip that the International Space Station follows Greenwich Mean Time. The EU expect to force the ISS to become an EU member within the course of this year so as to avoid this kind of embarrassment in the future.