ENGLAND TO BUILD FIRST EVER INLAND LIGHTHOUSE

rutland

England’s smallest country, Rutland, already the home of Europe’s largest man-made lake, the iconic Rutland Water, and soon to host England’s tallest Wind Turbines at Woolfox Wind Farm, will shortly be the location of Europe’s only inland lighthouse.

With the amount of lake traffic increasing exponentially year-on-year, the planned ‘Grand Canal’ extension linking Rutland Water to The Wash, and the rumoured opening of a second East Midlands airport at what was formerly RAF Cottesmore, Health & Safety concerns have put building a lighthouse top of the local authority’s ‘to-do list’.

Rutland EU
One of Rutland’s many river-buses ferries commuters to Oakham

Fortunately, it seems that EU funding will be made available for this project.  Approximately £1.88m in total which will conveniently make up an inexplicable shortfall in the local Council’s budget.  (A spokesman for the Council confirmed that due diligence had been followed in trying to track down this shortfall.  “We’ve looked down the back of every sofa in Catmose,” he said.  “And behind the tea caddy which is where we normally store our excess cash.”PHAROS2006

An EU spokesman has confirmed that they will be funding the build and had already paid up front for an artist’s impression of how the finished lighthouse will look which, possibly because this task had been carried out in Greece, also appears to include a Trireme.

“We know that there are doubters out there who will try to claim that this is a complete and utter waste of money,” he said.  “But wasting money has never been a problem in the past and we see no particular issue with this particular projinterchangeect.  In fact,” he added, “we are already considering funding an expansion to Rutland’s massively successful ‘Shore Link Bus Project’ connecting the multitude of river buses to the huge ‘Oakham Transport Interchange’ otherwise known as ‘The Wikos Bus Stop’.

At 300m tall, the Rutland Lighthouse will stand just shorter than the London Shard and be the sixth tallest building in Europe, visible in daylight from the surrounding cities of Peterborough, Leicester and Nottingham.  At night, it’s light should be visible from the Norfolk coast.

Shard

 

Once again, it seems, England’s smallest county is to live up to it’s motto:  Multum In Parvo…

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