As the cold season approaches, the EU’s Winter Commissioner, Finland’s Helvetin Pakastaminen, has revealed that recently published EU guidelines will shortly become EU law in countries expected to experience snow this winter.  

Affected countries include the Nordic and Scandinavian countries, Finland, Sweden, Denmark as well as the Baltic countries of Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia.  Germany, Poland, Northern France, Belgium, the Czech Republic  and the Netherlands are also included. These fall within an area designated as ‘High Snow Risk’ by the EU.

Snow Zone

The new laws are intended to address Health & Safety concerns in countries within the EU’s Snow Zone and prevent citizens having their hands frozen by inadvertently touching cold snow without prior warning.  Mr Pakastaminen refused to comment on rumours that the law had been rushed through in the wake of the migrant crisis with hundreds of thousands of new EU citizens from hot countries being unaware of the deadly threat that snow can present.


The EU is currently spending millions of euros in producing warning signs in the two approved EU languages – French and German and member states are expected to deploy these at 100 meter intervals in all areas where snow is lying more than one centimetre deep.

Asked why the European Region formerly known as Great Britain had not been included in the ‘EU Snow Zone’ despite clearly lying north of the majority of the countries included within it, Mr Pakastaminen replied that the European Council of Ministers had decreed that no snow would fall there this winter. “The foggy isle would be allocated it’s normal quota of drizzly rain, fog and sleet, as usual,” he said.  “However,” he added, “it will be expected to pay it’s full share towards the cost of implementing this new law.”

Helvetin Pakastaminen went on to deny as ‘ridiculous scaremongering’, persistent rumours that snowball fights were to be banned across the EU, this winter, as being overly warlike and nationalistic.  He went on to say that previous reports of actions taken to prevent such activities in former European countries such as the banning of Dad’s Army ( had no bearing on any planned snowball monitoring and regulation.



  1. The EU may even go further and give health warnings to visitors: “Beware of virus infections from exposure to snow, ice, cold, and winter conditions especially from people in the foggy islands of Great Britain!”

  2. I imagine it won’t be long before Brussels start issuing advice on how to stay warm in winter and advise us to fit as many people as possible into one bed in order to ‘share’ warmth. I think there are some places where this happens quite often already and I’m surprised at the type of people who apparently feel the cold even in summer.

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