Not Too Quiet On The Western Front?


In an unusual twist of fate, Britain’s main media company, the BBC, has become embroiled in a bitter dispute with one of its bigger paymasters, the European Union.

Dads ArmyThe two giant organisations are in conflict over a decision by the EU’s Broadcasting Watchdog. Die Störendenidioten to ban any further repeats of the classic BBC series ‘Dads Army’ considered by many in Europe to be a military documentary piece rather than a comedy.

Beneficii Scotocitor, a former Romanian vegetable picker, who has risen to head the BBC’s EU Office in less than a year, under the BBC’s diversity policy, has been quoted as saying.  “This is very disappointing news indeed.  We were planning to show our one millionth repeat of the U-Boat episode to commemorate the forthcoming Royal Birth.  Now we’ll have to use our fallback plan of repeating either ‘The Generation Game’ or ‘The Magnificent Seven’.”


As disclosed by Freedom of Information requests, including one from The Spectator, BBC staff have applied for, and accepted, millions of pounds of EU funds since 2007 which covered projects as diverse as producing a radio soap opera called Urunana to people in a region of Rwanda that offers information about sexual and reproductive health to rural women and young people.

EU sources have confirmed that ‘Dad’s Army’  was considered to be too controversial for broadcast in the European Region formerly known as Great Britain for several reasons, chief among them being:

  • The show is considered to be overly militaristic with it’s portrayal of undiminished British military might deeply troubling to EU Members less well equipped, such as France, who’s own armed forces have just formally adopted a new flag.  A white cross… On a white background.
  • Lance-Corporal Jack Jones comments about ‘Fuzzy Wuzzies and along the lines of  ‘They don’t like it up ’em’ are considered to be far from politically correct for today’s European viewers.
  • Private Frazer, the wild-eyed, dour undertaker with a hobby of making coffins who hails from the ‘wild and lonely’ Isle of Barra is seen as misrepresenting the Scots as being miserable whingers with a penchant for living off the English Tax Bill.  (It is understood that the SNP made formal representations to the EU Commission which led in part to the banning order).

It’s understood that further bans are planned in order to further ease the full integration of the European Region formerly known as Great Britain including ‘Allo Allo’ (insulting to French people), ‘Auf Wiedersehen, Pet’, (insulting to German people), ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, (too spangly) and anything featuring Russell Brand, (insulting to human people).  They will be replaced with approved programmes such as the French hit show, Le Monde Merveilleux De L’Oignon or the equally popular Berlin sitcom, Sauerkraut – nicht nur Nahrung sondern ein Lebensstil thus building on the work to improve the linguistic ability of the British in line with other policies detailed on this page.

Who do you think you are kidding Mr Juncker,

When you say old England’s done?




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