Châteauneuf-du-Pape, Mon Sewer!


The EU is seeing early signs of success as its campaign to increase the use of the French language within the European Region formerly known as Great Britain gathers pace

Britons of a certain age will remember Del Trotter and his unfortunate forays into the French language.  Mange tout, which Del used to mean, My pleasure.  Bouef a la mode (You win some, you lose some)  and of course the unforgettable Chateauneuf de Pape, Rodney!  Reserved for only the most explosive situations…


Alarmed by the British people’s apparent indifference to the French language, as evidenced by the series Only Fools and Horses, (considered in Brussels to be an accurate portrayal of  British urban life in the early 1980’s);  a language which is, after all, spoken not only in France, but in Belgium and Luxembourg too, as well as in large swathes of Africa, the EU launched Opération Pur Bouche to rectify this issue tout de suite and the very successful Stella Cidre campaign marks the beginning of a detailed and well-planned programme to make the British more Francophonic linguistically.

From the pubs and clubs of London, to the gritty drinking holes of the industrial north-east and even down in the ancient home of English cider…  Somerset, English drinkers are now regularly using the word Cidre, as opposed to the English equivalent, Cider, to order their favourite summer thirst-quencher.

Buoyed up this initial success M’sieur Isuk Mesorteils, Commissioner for Linguistic Standardisation, has ordered the start of the Biere, Rosbif, Oignon and Champignon campaigns to run concurrently throughout the summer months.  This combined with the new ruling on School Anthems as reported previously on this page should, in M’sier Mesorteils considered opinion, help to reverse the decline of French in this part of the European Union and complete the job started some two thousand years ago by one William The Conqueror.


Interviewed on EU Radio, Professeur Jaime Modechienchien of the Académie Française expressed doubts as to the ultimate success of this programme.

“Les Anglais sont horribles à parler français. L’ensemble de ce programme est un énorme gaspillage de temps et d’argent!”  she said.

Only time will tell – In the words of Delboy Trotter:  “Je ne sais quoi…  Garcon, la petit pois.  Boullabaise, mon ami…”


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